Some young people are called “challenging” long before anyone asks why. Beneath the behaviours – shutdowns or explosions – there’s often one missing skill: self-regulation. Not because they don’t care or won’t try, but because no one has helped them learn how. This is why mentoring matters. When a trusted adult shows up consistently, listens without judgment, and responds with calm, something shifts. Self-regulation stops being something they’re told to do – and starts becoming something they can feel, practice, and own.
What Is Self-Regulation, and Why Does It Matter?
Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in different situations. For many young people, especially those navigating trauma, instability, or unmet emotional needs, this doesn’t come easily.
Without regulation skills, everyday challenges – being told “no,” feeling misunderstood, experiencing peer conflict – can quickly spiral. This can look like defiance, aggression, or withdrawal. But often, these are stress responses, not “bad behaviour.”
With self-regulation, young people are better able to:
- Stay calm under pressure
- Pause before reacting
- Express their needs safely
- Reconnect after a difficult moment
These are skills for life – not just for school.
How Mentoring Builds Regulation, Not Just Control
Traditional behaviour strategies often focus on control – compliance, consequences, rewards. But control without connection rarely leads to long-term change. Mentoring works differently.
A Lexia mentor builds safety first. They show up predictably, speak calmly, and offer choices. Over time, this consistent presence helps a young person feel less under threat – and more in control of themselves.
Mentors support regulation by:
- Modelling calm: Even in heated moments, mentors stay grounded, showing what emotional regulation looks like in real time.
- Naming emotions: Helping young people identify what they’re feeling and why, building emotional literacy.
- Creating space: Sometimes, regulation means not talking right away – but sitting nearby, waiting, and showing patience.
- Practising strategies: Breathing, movement, grounding techniques – these are explored together, not imposed.
- Reflecting afterwards: Not shaming, but gently unpacking what happened and what could help next time.
It’s this relational approach that creates the conditions for regulation to grow.
Real Impact, Beyond the Classroom
We’ve seen time and again: when young people build self-regulation with a mentor, the ripple effects are huge.
This kind of progress doesn’t come from a single session. It comes from trusted relationships, built over time, with mentors who stay.
Why Regulation Needs Relationship
Regulation isn’t just a skill – it’s a state of safety. And for many young people, that safety is only possible in relationship. A mentor provides a secure base where stress can lower, nervous systems can settle, and new ways of responding can take root.
It’s not about “fixing” a young person. It’s about walking with them as they learn what it feels like to stay present, even when it’s hard. And that’s not quick work – but it is powerful.
Want to Support a Young Person’s Regulation?
At Lexia, we match young people with mentors who are trained in trauma-informed, emotionally attuned support. Whether it’s in school, at home, or in community settings, our work is rooted in helping young people regulate not just for now – but for their future.
📞 If you’re working with a young person who struggles to self-regulate, let’s talk. Book a free, informal call with our team.
Because no one should have to navigate big feelings alone – and with the right mentor, they won’t have to.
